


Love and War

by Destiels_Celebrity_Status



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, Graphic Violence, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, M/M, Prisoner of War, Soldier Dean, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-28
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-04-11 19:55:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4450160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Destiels_Celebrity_Status/pseuds/Destiels_Celebrity_Status
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is shipped off to Germany after pearl harbor where he ends up close to death and captured by the Germans. Will he live to see Castiel again?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Enlist

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story I posted on fanfiction.net. Feel free to follow me on here or on there (username Jenna Rudder) If you like my work please review. If you have questions, just ask.

April, 1941

He forgot how to breath. He was lost in thought. Only snapping to reality when Sam clapped him on the back. "Ready?" He asked. He looked at him for a second, then nodded. Pushing open the door of the recruitment office, he exhaled. There were different offices for every branch. Including the national guard. "I'll be waiting out here." Sam sat down in a chair and picked up a magazine. Dean walked in to the Army office. The recruiter looked up from his computer and stood up. Dean stood in the doorway for a moment. "We talked on the phone yesterday. My name is Dean Winchester."

"Yes, I remember. Have a seat." He did as he was told. "Alright Winchester. You said you want to be a paratrooper, correct? " Dean swallowed. "Yes sir."

"How old are you Dean?"

"Twenty-one sir."

"Graduate high school?"

"Yes sir. Top twenty."

"College?"

Yes sir. For two semesters."

"What did you study?"

"Photography sir."

The recruiter looked at him, eyebrows raised. Dean shrugged. "You ever shoot a gun before son?" Dean almost laughed. "Yes sir. I know my way around almost any weapon you put in front of me." The recruiter laughed.

The interview went on longer than expected. When Dean walked out of the office, Sam stood up. Dean stopped in front of him. "June. I leave for training in June. I'll come back in around mid November. Then I wait for my orders. If I make it through training." Sam smiled. "You'll make it. Dad did." Their dad was a WWI veteran. He didn't talk much about the war. Hell, he didn't talk much at all after he got home.

Dean climbed out of his 1935 Chevrolet Coupe and sighed. He didn't know how his dad would take the news of his enlistment. He walked up the stairs, putting out his cigarette before opening the front door. The smell of cigars and liquor hit him. "Dad? I'm back." The place was a mess. "Back here." He heard from the kitchen. He walked slowly through the house. Standing in the doorway of the kitchen, he saw his dad cooking lunch. "Hungry?" He asked. Dean nodded, putting his hands in his pocket. "Where you been?" Not looking up from the carrot he was cutting. "Enlistment office." His dad stopped. He slowly looked up at Dean. "Why?" Dean though for a moment. "I don't want to work on cars the rest of my life."

Suddenly, his dad smiled. He walked around the counter and pulled Dean into a hug. "I'm proud of you son. Doing something with your life." Dean hugged him back. "Thanks dad."

June 1941

The short time before training, Dean spent as much time as he could with Sam and his dad. It was the most John Winchester had spoken in years. He was truly proud of Dean. He would boast that his eldest joined the Army to everyone he knew. The night before Dean's departure, John had taken Dean, Sam, and Sam's girl Jess out to eat. They laughed and talked for what felt like hours. When a few family friends showed up, John grabbed Dean's camera and handed it to the waiter telling him to take a picture of all of them. Bobby, Ellen, and Jo, protested at first but Dean insisted. They couldn't say no. When the picture came out, John gave it a few shakes and looked at it. "Oh that's good." He handed it to Dean. "You keep it. I know it only training, but it'll be rough. You'll miss home. And when you do, just look at this." He grabbed his glass of whiskey. "A toast!" He raised his glass. Everyone followed suit. "To Dean. My eldest son. For not wanting to work on cars your whole damn life. I'm proud of you son."

"To Dean!" Everyone chimed raising their glasses. Dean raised his bottle of beer at them, smiling. "Thank you everyone. Really. It means a lot that you're here and you're gonna see me off in the morning." He put the bottle to his lips and drained the rest of his beer. "And now...I gotta get some sleep." He hugged everyone and thanked them. He clapped his dad on the shoulder and told everyone goodnight.

He woke up the next morning early to finish packing. Putting on his uniform, he grabbed the picture from last night and put it in his pocket. The only thing left was to head to the train station and say goodbye to his family. He parked his car behind his dad's shop. Grabbing his bag, he shut the door and walked around to the front. His dad was already waiting. Dean handed him his camera so he could take a picture of Dean in his uniform. John put it on the dash of his car as they both climbed in. It was a silent ride to the station. When they arrived, everyone was waiting. They all talked for a few minutes til the conductor yelled for boarding. Ellen and Jo both said tearful goodbyes. Jess was fighting back tears and Sam hugged him tightly. Bobby patted him on the back saying "see ya kid." He turned to John. He had tears in his eyes. "Your mother would be proud of you Dean." Dean smiled. Knowing if she was here she would say so herself. John pulled him into a hug. "Stay safe. Be the best one there." He told his eldest pulling away. Dean smiled. "Yes sir." The whistle blew and Dean picked up his bag. "Well, see y'all in a few months."

On the train, he picked a window seat. He opened the window and leaned out as the train began to move. "Take care of my car!" He yelled. They all laughed waving. The train picked up speed. "I'll be back before you realize I'm gone!" He yelled waving. He waved til they were out of sight.

From the train to a bus. A bus full of recruits like him. Some engineers, some medical, infantry, and paratroopers. One paratrooper named Adam, sat next to Dean. He was younger. Nineteen. Same age as Sam, and also fresh out of high school. "Almost every man in the family has been in the military." He told Dean. "What about you?" Dean looked at him. "My dad. Army. WWI."

The bus came to a halt and instructors stormed it. Yelling at everyone to get off. When Dean stepped off the bus, their stuff was already thrown everywhere. Dean, Adam, and a few others already standing at attention. "Well I can tell who comes from military families." One said. He walked up to Dean stopping an inch from his face. "What's your name son?"

"Winchester sir."

"What are you here for Winchester?"

"Paratrooper sir."

"Very honorable son."

"Thank you sir."

"Your daddy a trooper?"

"No sir. Infantry. 22nd. WWI sir."

"Wait a second, Winchester. Your daddy John Winchester?"

"Yes sir."

"Well hell boy, your dad's a fuckin' hero son! Good man." He looked over his shoulder. "Put Winchester in the 101st." He turned back to Dean. "Grab your bags kid. You're with me."

His days were filled with marching, weapons training, physically training, and parachute safety training. They didn't get to actually jump out of planes until the second month. Dean passed everything with flying colors. Then came the mission training. They had to jump out of a plane, find cover under fire, and provide back up to an infantry unit that had been pinned down by the enemy. They weren't firing live rounds, though the blanks hurt like a bitch. Sargent said Dean was a natural like his dad. Dean and Adam became good friends. Dean would always help Adam and thought of him as his little brother. Always making sure he rigged up properly. Dean had also become the platoon leader by unanimous decision. There was no denying he was the best. He graduated top of the class and was promoted to private first class. He couldn't wait to get home.

November 1941

The train came to a stop. He grabbed his bags from over head and stepped off the train. Looking around, he saw Sam towering over the crowd. Pointing at Dean. He smiled and shook his head. "Damn kid just keep growing." Just as everyone got to him, he heard a voice behind him. "Dean!" He turned to see Adam hanging out of the window. "I'll see ya man!" He waved. Dean smiled. "Take care little brother!" He waved back. He turned to his family and friends. They all hugged him at the same time. "Come on guys. Get off." He laughed. In the back of the crowd was John. Dean walked to him. John smiled and gave his son a hug. "Welcome home Dean. Let me look at ya." He looked Dean from head to toe. "Promoted to PFC." He beamed. Dean nodded. "Top of the class. The best. Just like you asked sir." John pulled him into another hug. Saying how proud he was. Dean knew he would boast even more about how his son was top of the class and promoted. "So how was it?" Sam asked. Dean smiled. "First I need a damn burger. The food there sucked." They all laughed.

That night they went to Dean's favorite burger joint. He was grateful to be in regular clothes after wearing a uniform for four months. He told them everything. About training, about the platoon and how they would get rowdy at times, about Adam. He heard the bell chime as someone walked in. He looked up to see a man with dark hair and gorgeous blue eyes. Dean's whole world seemed to stop. The man only ordered coffee and walked out. Dean grabbed his leather jacket and stood up. "Smoke break." He explained. Lightning his cigarette, he looked at the man who now had a map open. "Lost?" Dean asked. The man turned and Dean's breath caught. He was absolutely beautiful. "You could say that. I was just passing through and got turned around." Dean walked closer. The November air made his breath visible with a cloud. "Where ya headin?"

"Anywhere."

"That's pretty vague."

He offered his hand. "Names Dean."

"Castiel. Call me Cas."

"Well Cas, you just gonna point to a destination on that?"

"Pretty much. I'm traveling the country."

Dean nodded, flicking the ashes of his cigarette. He pulled the pack out and offered one to Cas. He took one and Dean lit it for him. "Thanks."

"You hungry? We ordered plenty of food."

"Looks like you're celebrating something. I don't want to intrude."

"Nah, just my homecoming. Just got back from training. Army."

"Oh, well congratulations."

"It's no big deal. My family thinks it is. Come eat. I'll point you in the direction of a hotel after."

"That would be great, thanks."

After everyone was full and Dean ran out of stories, they decided to call it a night. Dean was the last to leave. He shrugged into his favorite leather jacket as he stepped out of the diner. Cas was standing there looking at his car. He turned to Dean. "Yours?" Dean pulled a cigarette out and lit it. "Yeah. High school graduation present from my dad." Cas nodded. "Well, thanks for the food." He turned to walk away. "Hey!" Dean called after him. "Can I give you a ride somewhere or something? A hotel? If you want to save money, my couch is free." Cas turned. "Offering a stranger cigarettes, food, and I ride. Not planning to kill me are you Dean?" The way he said Dean's name sent a chill up his spine. Cas closed the gap between them an inch away from Dean's face. "Or...are you queer?" Dean swallowed. He laughed and shook his head. "Well, I offered." He started for his car. Cas followed and stood at the passenger side. Dean looked up at him. "Hey, you offered." Dean shook his head and got in. Opening the passenger door for Cas. He climbed in and Dean started the car. "Where to?" Dean asked. Cas thought for a moment. "Your couch is free?" He asked in reply. Dean nodded. "Free it is then."


	2. Quiet Town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean shows Cas around town and ends up showing him more than planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again feel free to comment what you think and follow me. I appreciate it very much!

Dean pulled into the driveway and turned the car off. "Here we are." They got out and Cas grabbed his bag. Dean unlocked the front door and held it open. "You can set your bag by the couch. I'll get a blanket and pillow." He walked down the hallway to the closet and pulled out what he needed. He walked back in the living room to see Cas holding a picture. He looked at it. "That's my mom." He pointed at the woman with blond hair. He walked over to the couch and laid out the blanket. "What happened to her?" Cas asked. Dean put the pillow on the couch and looked at Cas. "She died in a house fire when I was four. Sam was six months old." Cas set the picture down. "I'm sorry." Dean cleared his throat and shrugged. "Don't worry about it." He paused for a moment. "The kitchen is through there. I have soda, tea, and water if you get thirsty. Bathroom is down the hall to the left, don't touch my stuff. My room is on the right if you need me." Cas nodded at the intersection. "Thanks. I appreciate it." Dean nodded.

"Well, feel free to stay as long as you want. Well, unless I get deployed." Cas nodded again. He sat down on the couch. Dean went in his room, shutting the door behind him. He didn't know why, but he trusted Cas to not run off with his things. He didn't know why he offered him food or a place to stay. He didn't know why he felt the way he did. "Or are you queer?" The words rang in his ears. Dean shook his head. He undressed to his underwear and climbed into bed. Pulling the covers over his legs up to his torso. It felt good to be sleeping in his own bed again. He sat up and looked for his uniform. Finding it on the floor. He got up and dug in the pockets. Out of habit, he found the picture of his family and looked at it. He smiled, crawling back into bed. He put the picture under his pillow. Before he knew it, he was asleep.

He woke up the next morning to the smell of food. He grabbed his watch off the night stand. 8:30. He groaned. The last four months he was woken up by yelling at exactly four am. He was grateful for the extra four hours. Hell, he was surprised he didn't sleep til four in the afternoon. He crawled our of bed and made it nice and neat out of habit. Normally he only had five minutes to get up, make his bed, shave, and put on his uniform. Which was hard to do when twenty other men were trying to shave at the same time. He went to his dresser and found a pair of pajama pants and slipped them on. Not bothering with a shirt, he walked out to the kitchen. Thinking Sam must have come over to make him breakfast. He scratched his head and yawned as he leaned against the doorway. "Morning." He jumped at the voice and looked up. There was Cas. Cooking. "I hope you don't mind. I figured it was the least I could do for letting me crash here." Dean was stunned silent for a moment. "Uh...no. Not at all." Cas smiled. "It took me a minute to find everything. I didn't want to wake you. Do you like pancakes?" Dean nodded. He looked at the table. It already had orange juice, coffee, and plates set out. Dean walked over and sat down, pouting himself some coffee. "Listen, you really don't have to- wow. That's good coffee."

"You like it? I picked it up in a coffee shop up north."

"Yeah, it's really good. Better than what I'm used to."

Cas laughed. "Shitty coffee during training?"

"You have no idea. I don't know what it was, but I don't think it was coffee."

Cas laughed again. He brought a plate of pancakes to the table then put some scrambled eggs and bacon on his plate. "Please be real eggs." He said grabbing a few pancakes off the plate and drowning them in syrup. "They didn't even give you real scrambled eggs?"

"Nope. Just dehydrated ones. They gave us what we would ear on the battlefield." He took a huge bite of eggs. Real food. Real coffee. Man he loved being home. "Man this is good." He said with a mouthful of food. Cas looked at him. "I'm glad you like it." He sat down and took a bite of his own food. Dean finished his food in about a minute. "Did you even taste it?" Cas asked. Dean laughed. "Yeah. Eating fast becomes a habit when you only get so long to eat. Now I know why dad used to eat so fast."

"So your dad was in the Army?"

"Yeah."

"Same as you? A paratrooper?"

"No. He was infantry. Although, I don't really see the difference. I do the same thing except I jump out of a plane." Cas nodded, taking another bite. "So you get a chance to see the town? I mean there's not much here but I could show you around if you want." Cas swallowed his food before speaking. "Yeah, that'd be great." Dean nodded, helping himself to more pancakes. "So what's your story? Why are you traveling?" Cas shrugged. "Just needed to get away." Dean nodded again. "What about you? Why did you join the Army?"

"My dad had me working on cars as soon as I graduated. I don't want to do that the rest of my life."

"Good reason as any."

"What are you doing in this small ass town? You could go to any big city you want."

"I like small towns. They're quiet. Friendly people."

"That's true. But growing up in a small town, it's boring. And everyone knows you so if something happens, everyone knows about it fifteen minutes later." He watched Cas pour himself a cup of coffee. "So you're from the city?" Cas nodded taking a sip. He outlined the top of the cup with his index finger. "New York." He replied. Dean whistled.

"That's a long way."

"Well, I wanted to get as far away as possible." Dean looked at him. He was still tracing the cup with his finger. "Can I ask why?"

"My family. I'm not like them. Never have been."

"How so?"

Cas looked up at him. He shrugged and continued sipping his coffee. Dean didn't push the subject.

After breakfast, he grabbed some clothes and walked into the bathroom to take a shower. He turned on the water and stepped in, closing the shower curtain. He let the hot water run over him for a minute. He thought back to breakfast. How Cas looked playing with his cup of coffee. His messy hair from sleep. His eyes...God those eyes. He shook his head to get the thought from his mind. After he was clean he turned the water off and grabbed the towel. Putting it over his face as he opened the curtain. As soon as he did, the door opened. Cas was standing there. He looked at Dean. "Sorry I didn't know..." He trailed off and closed the door. Great. A complete stranger had just seen him naked. Not awkward at all.

He dried off and dressed then walked out to see Cas grabbing his things. He looked up at Dean. "I'm sorry. I should have knocked. I should have known that you might be in the shower." Dean laughed at the look on Cas' face. "Hey, we're both to blame. I should have locked the door." Cas straightened. "You're not mad?" Dean shook his head, smiling. "With the look on your face? How could I be?" He started laughing again. Cas tilted his head to the side. "What look?" Dean calmed his laughing. "You looked like a lost deer. But I can imagine I had the same look." He scratched his head. "I think I should go."

"No you don't."

"That didn't bother you?"

"It was an accident Cas. Not like you meant to walk in on me."

Cas looked at him. He set his bag down. "Go get ready. I told you I'd take you sightseeing."

Cas seemed to relax a bit after his shower. Funny thing was, Dean really didn't mind that Cas had seen him naked. He thought back to the look on Cas' face. Before looking shocked and embarrassed, he looked...for a split second...like he liked what he saw.

"Dean."

"Hm?"

"The light. It's green."

"Oh. Right."

"Something on your mind?"

Yes. "No."

He took Cas to the downtown area. He seemed to enjoy the shops. Dean looked around and noticed people were staring. Mack, John's friend from the shop walked out of the barbershop. He had seen Dean and started walking over. "Oh no." Mack never stopped talking. He pretended not to see Mack. And as soon as Cas came out of the shop, he grabbed Cas by his jacket and started running. "What the hell are you doing?" Dean let go of his jacket and kept running. He stopped at an abandoned building right outside of downtown. He opened the door and waited for Cas to go in. Closing the door behind them, he leaned against it. "What was that about?" Cas asked trying to catch his breath. Dean on the other hand, didn't even break a sweat. "Sorry. One of my dad's friends. He talks to much and I didn't want to stand there for an hour." Cas laughed.

"Oh no."

"What?"

"He saw me."

"So?"

"No he saw me run...with you."

Cas looked at him. Then caught on. "Oh."

"Now he's gonna go run his mouth to my dad." He ran his fingers through his hair.

"But you're not...are you?"

Dean looked at him. "Why? Are you?" He leaned his head on the door. Still looking at Cas, who shifted awkwardly. Dean raised his head. "No way." Cas looked at him and shrugged. "Are you serious? You are aren't you? You're queer."

"Yes okay? I'm a faggot. Happy now?" He put his hands in his pockets and looked away. Dean shifted his weight from one leg to the other. "Who am I to judge." He said after a moment. Cas looked back at him. "It doesn't bother you?" Dean shook his head. He fished his cigarettes out of his pocket. He lit one and handed it to Cas. Cas looked at it. "I'm not gonna beat your ass when you grab it if that's what you're thinkin'." Cas took it. Dean lit one for himself. "What bothers me is I used smoking a cigarette as an excuse to go outside and talk to you. That I invited you to dinner and to my house when I don't even know you. That I honestly didn't mind you walking into the bathroom. What bothers me the most is you're so God damned beautiful." He stood up straight, taking a drag from his cigarette. "I have only been with one guy. One. In college. I blamed it on the booze but that wasn't the case. I wasn't even drunk when I did it. But he was trashed out of his mind. I took advantage. Nobody said shit because they don't remember it. I liked it. I liked it a lot. I knew what that meant. Hell, I knew in high school. I only chased tail so nobody would figure it out. I never had sex with them. And they wanted it. I told them a bullshit excuse about waiting til I was married. They bought it every time." Cas was silent. Listening to every word. Dean took another drag from his cigarette then flicked it away. It hit the cement. He closed the gap between them. He could feel Cas' breath on his face. Smelling like coffee and cigarettes. "The second I saw you walk into that diner, I had to have you. I saw the look on your face this morning. It was a split second, but I saw it. You liked what you saw, didn't you?" Cas nodded.

"You want more, don't you?"

"Yes."

He grabbed Cas' cigarette and flicked it away not once did his eyes leave Cas. "Yeah...that's what I thought." He put his hands on Cas' face and moved in slowly. Their lips brushing together. He yanked Cas' jacket off and pressed his lips on him. Cas immediately reacted by sliding his hand up Dean's shirt. Grabbing his wrist, he chuckled. "I don't fuckin' think so." He breathed. He pulled Cas' sweater over his head and looked down. Running his fingers across his torso, up to his chest, then down to his stomach. He was skinny, but had some muscle to him. He ran his fingers along the line of Cas' jeans. Cas inhaled sharply causing Dean to smile. He kissed his collarbone then moved back to his lips. Cas shuttered. Dean moved his hand down to his waist. Tugging his belt loop. He moved to the button. Undoing it with one hand. He slid his other hand down his back, down his pants to his ass. He unzipped Cas' jeans and pulled them down under his ass. He ran his fingers across his dick. Cas grabbed Dean's arms and dug his blunt nails into his leather jacket. He grabbed Cas, and turned him so his back was facing the wall. Dean walked him back until he was against the wall. He pulled his pants and underwear all the way down. He unbuttoned and unzipped his own jeans. Cas looked down as they fell to his ankles, reaching out and playing with the elastic of his underwear. Dean smiled. "You want it?" He breathed against his neck. Cas nodded. "Say it. Say you want it."

Cas leaning his head against the wall, eyes closed as Dean rubbed against him. "I want it." He begged. Dean pushed Cas to his knees and pulled down his underwear. Cas immediately went to work. Swirling his tounge around the tip of Dean's dick. Then slid his whole mouth down the shaft. He moaned, grabbing a fistful of Cas' hair. Moving his hips back and forth making Cas take the whole thing in his mouth. He stood Cas up, turned him around, and bent him over. He ran the tip over Cas' hole. Cas shuttered. He pushed in gently. Cas put one hand on the wall and the other on Dean's leg, pulling Dean inside him. "Like it rough do you?" Cas nodded through his moans. Dean obliged him. Slamming his dick the rest of the way in. Cas moaned louder. He ran his hand down his back. "Shh..." Cas nodded in understanding. Dean grabbed Cas' hips and pulled out almost all the way then slammed back in. He thrust in fast and hard as he reached around to grab Cas' dick. It was soaked with precome. Dean lowered both of them down til Cas was on his hands and knees. Dean took his jacket off. "If you need to yell, bury your face." He handed it to Cas. Cas balled it up and buried his face in it. Dean continued jacking Cas off while slamming his dick into his ass. Cas tightened his grip on Dean's leg, moaning loudly into the jacket. "You gonna come?" He kissed his back. "Yes."

"Tell me. Tell me to make you come."

"Yes, yes! Make me come!" He moaned. Dean moved his hand and his hips faster. Cas moaned more frequently causing Dean to moan as well. Then he heard the magic words. "Oh God! I'm coming!" Cas yelled into the jacket. Dean kept going. Pulling out all the way and thrusting back in. He was getting close. "You want me to come? Come inside you?" Cas continued moaning. Dean almost could hold it listening to him. "Yes, come inside me!" Dean moaned at the words. Forcing himself to go faster. Moaning into Cas' back. "Oh fuck! Oh fuck! I'm coming! I'm coming so good!" Trying to keep his voice down. He thrust a few more times then pulled out. They both stood slowly. Kissing as they did. They pulled up their pants and Dean grabbed his jacket. "How did you get that good from only one time?" Cas asked as he put his own jacket on. Dean shrugged. "I'm a man of many talents." He smiled.

"You think he told your dad" Dean cut the engine and sighed. He took the key out of the ignition and looked at Cas. "Of course he did. He gossips more than housewives on a party line." Cas laughed. He didn't know what he was going to say to his dad. He knew he had to tell him the truth. Just not right now. He got out of the car and walked up to the front door. After unlocking it he held it open for Cas. Closing it behind the he looked up and froze. There in the kitchen was John. Leaning against the counter with his arms crossed. "How did you get in? " John pulled a key out of his pocket. The back door. How ironic. "So you talked to Mack?" He took a few steps forward and moved in front of Cas. "Oh yeah. Said he saw you grab him and run off down the road. He followed you." Dean's heart dropped then rose to his throat. "Saw you through the window." Dean moved forward. Cas grabbed his arm. Dean motioned him to stay put. "How long?"

"How long what?"

"How long have you been a faggot?" Dean kept his distance. Even though John's voice was calm, it warned Dean to tread lightly. "A long time. Took me til high school to figure it out."

"He your first?"

"No. One other. In college. But I've kissed a few in high school." John's arms dropped.

"We can get you help Dean."

"Dad."

"You're sick.

"No I'm not."

"A doctor. He'll cure you."

"This isn't a sickness or some stupid lifestyle. It's not a choice. The only choice I have is who to give my heart and soul to. Just like a straight person. But I'm not straight. I like men. More specifically, I like Cas. From the second I saw him in the diner-"

"Last night."

"Yes dad. Last night. Didn't you fall in love with mom the first time you looked at her?"

"That's different."

"No it's not. The only difference is that Cas is a man. The heart wants what the heart wants."

"Enough of this! You're coming with me. We are getting you help." He grabbed Dean by the arm. Dean stood planted in his spot. "Like hell I am."

"My son is not gonna be a faggot!"

"News flash dad: too late. I'm not gonna just stop liking dick just because you say so." Without warning, John punched Dean in the jaw. Dean stayed on his feet. He looked at John. "Try. Try to beat the fag outta me. It won't work." He pushed Dean to the floor. "Maybe you'll stop if I beat it outta him." Dean's eyes widened. "If you touch him..." He warned. His voice cold. John started towards Cas. Dean kicked out his leg. John buckled. Cas backed up til his back was against the door. Dean stood up and walked over to Cas. Standing in front of him. John lunged forward throwing a punch a Dean. Dean grabbed his arm and twisted it behind his back. He kicked his leg out again. When John hit his knees, Dean pushed him to the floor and put a knee in his back. Pushing back on his wrist and up on his arm. "Dean!" He snapped his eyes up. Cas was looking at him. He let go. Grabbing the key from John's pocket, he stood. "Get out of my house. Get out of my life." He said looking at John. John stood slowly. Rolling his shoulder and wrist. "If Cas wasn't here, I would have broken your wrist and dislocated your shoulder. Not bad for a fag." John looked at him Dean moved Cas behind him and opened the front door. "Tell Mack he's got the same thing comin' if he don't keep his fuckin mouth shut." John walked out. Dean slammed the door behind him and locked it. He sank to the floor. Cas crouched beside him. He moved Dean's face to look at his jaw. Dean winced. "Almost broke it." He whispered. He got up and disappeared into the kitchen. He came back with a hand towel full of ice cubes. He gently rested it on Dean's jaw.

"I'm sorry. This is my fault. I should have left this morning. I was about to. But I couldn't. I couldn't leave you for some reason. Now I know what that reason is. I fell in love too. Same as you. As soon as you asked if I was lost." He sat in front of Dean. "I got you into this. And I'm sorry." Dean looked at him and smiled. "Love at first sight."


	3. War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and his unit are on a mission to provide back up. When a grenade lands nearby, Dean selflessly jumps on top of it. His head and legs taking most of the hit from the explosion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains graphic violence!

December 7th 1941

Dean barely left the house the last two weeks. Mack did as he was told and kept his mouth shut. Nobody knew. Except John. Sam figured it out and swore he wouldn't tell. He ended up telling Jess. Jo said she figured it out in middle school when Dean refused to kiss her on a dare. Ellen knew through Jo. Bobby knew because Dean told him about the college party the next day. Nobody told anyone outside of the family. Nobody told John. Dean hated the way his dad found out. John didn't talk to him after that.

Dean and Cas enjoyed the quite morning. Cas found Dean's camera and took a few pictures. Dean had turned the tables by taking the camera and snapping a few himself. The last two weeks had been like a dream to Dean. They laughed and told stories. Had Sam and Jess over for dinner. Even braved a venture to Dean favorite diner. Dean would read the newspaper, telling Cas that Japan just might leave the U.S. out of the war and had talks of peace with F.D.R. not knowing what was really going to happen.

They were sitting on the couch watching TV. Cas had his head on Dean's lap. Dean had his arm around him. It was around noon when the news cut into the show they were watching. The president came on screen. "Today over 2,000 lives were lost." Dean leaned forward, causing Cas to sit up. "It is with a heavy heart I tell you, our forces at Pearl Harbor came under attack just before eight this morning." Dean moved to the edge of the couch. Cas watched him. "Japan has seen fit to declare war on this nation. Well, I'll tell you this." Dean stood up. Cas looked at the TV. Both knowing what was about to happen. "We will not back down. We will fight. Fight for the men and women who died today. Fight for the soldiers still trapped in the USS Oklahoma." Dean balled his hands into fists. "Fuckin right we will." There was a knock on the door. Dean stayed standing in front of the TV. Cas answered it. Sam was standing there out of breath. He lived a few blocks away. "Where's Dean?" He asked in a panic. Cas opened the door wider and let Sam in. "Dean!" He walked over to him. He finally looked up at the two of them but didn't say a word.

December 8th 1941

The next morning Dean was sitting on the couch watching the news. Cas was making breakfast. They both knew it was a matter of time before Dean was shipped off. The loud knock on the door confirmed it. Dean looked at Cas and got up. Opening the door to see a man in uniform. Cas' heart dropped. "Private First Class Winchester. Your orders. You are to report in at o500." He handed Dean a thick envelope. Dean took it. Even though Dean was out of uniform, he saluted. "Understood sir." He closed the door. Cas was frozen in his place. Dean opened the envelope and read it. He dropped the contents after reading them and looked up at Cas. "I have to be there first thing in the morning. They want me to leave tonight." Cas walked around the counter over to Dean.

"Where?"

"Germany."

"Dean..."

"I would have volunteered anyway."

"But you only finished training two weeks ago!"

"That's why their sending me. Most of my unit too."

They were silent going to the airport. Cas had given him a picture to take with him a picture of them together that Sam had taken a few days prior. Ellen, Jo, Bobby, Sam, and Jess were all waiting to see him off. Dean tucked the picture in his pocket. After saying goodbye to everyone, the all started to head home. Cas stayed. Dean hugged him. "This isn't goodbye. This is see you soon." Cas nodded. "I promise I'll come back to you. You hear me?" Cas looked up at him. Dean looked around to make sure nobody was watching. He kissed him. He pulled back after a moment. "I love you." He whispered. Cas sniffed back tears. "I love you too."

March 1942

He hit the ground with a thud. Undoing his harness he laid down. The rest did the same. He crawled a few feet over to Adam. "You good little brother?" Adam nodded. Dean was commanding the mission. A guy named Chad Burkley was his second in command. He turned his head around. "Burkley! Get your ass over here!"

"Hey Dean?"

"Yeah, little brother."

"Can I see that picture of you and Cas again?"

He told Adam about Cas a month ago. Adam never told anyone. He took off his helmet and showed Adam the picture. "You really love him don't you?" He patted Adam on the back and tucked the picture back in his helmet. "More than anything little brother." He put his helmet back on and turned around again "Dammit Burkley if you don't move your ass I'll shoot you myself!" He heard gunfire ahead. "Looks like they started the party with out us." Berkley said. Dean shook his head. "How are you still alive you stupid son of a bitch?" He smiled.

Ducking through trees they ran forward. Adam somehow got in front of him by a few feet. He heard something hit the ground. "Shit...grande get down!" Adam and a hand full of others were feet away from it. Dean ran forward and grabbed Adam's pack. He threw him backwards. The men dove for cover but the explosion would have crippled half of them Dean jumped on top of the grenade without thinking, curling himself around it. It exploded under him. His helmet flew off and he was blown a few feet in the air. "DEAN!" Adam grabbed his helmet and got to him first. He grabbed the picture and stuffed it inside of Dean's uniform. He patted Dean's whole body then checked for a pulse. "He's still alive! Get the medic!" The medic ran forward. "Jesus Christ. It blew the back of his fuckin skull off." He grabbed something out of his bag and put it under Dean's head. 

Dean tried to keep his eyes open. He looked at Adam who had a tight hold on his hand. "Don't you fuckin' die on me!" He could feel warm blood coming from his ears. He saw everyone yelling, but he couldn't hear them. "He's not gonna make it..."

"Bullshit Ryder! He just fucking saved all of us! Now fucking do something!" Adam roared. Dean started to slowly convulse. Adam leaned down. "I'll tell him. I'll tell him you went out like a hero." He put his hand on Dean's chest. "I'll see ya brother." Dean lost consciousness.

He could hear people speaking in German. He understood every word. "here's one!"

"Still breathing. Back of his head blown off too. Take him."

Back home

A car pulled outside the house. Sam, Jess, and Cas were playing poker. Cas looked out the window. Sam followed suit. A man in uniform stepped out of the car. They got up and ran to the door. Sam threw it open. "Dean Winchester's family?" Sam nodded. Cas held his breath. "Yeah, I'm his brother. Why?"

"Your brother was injured. Badly. His platoon was on a mission to help another unit that had been pinned down by the Germans. They threw a grenade and it landed feet away from most of his unit. Dean jumped on top of the grenade and saved everyone." Cas went numb. Sam leaned against the door for support. Jess started crying. "Is he...is he dead?" Sam asked.

"A member of Dean's unit refused to leave him behind. After they pushed back the Germans, they went back for Dean but he was gone. You should know, when they left him, he was alive. We think he's now a prisoner of war and he's been classified as missing in action. We'll find your brother and bring him home." Nobody said anything after he left. Cas slid down the wall and sat on the floor. He couldn't move or think. Dean was missing and half dead.

Germany, May 1942

The kept him alive for reasons he didn't know. They had put a steel plate in the back of his head. It was a miracle that he didn't get blown in half. There really must be a God. The last thing he remembered before waking up in a cell was Adam. Saying he'd tell Cas he went out like a hero. Cas. The Army must have told him by now that he's dead. His heart sank. Cas thinks he's dead. If he didn't get our of here he might as well be. Dean was to weak to do anything. He couldn't walk because of his legs. He was surprised he still had them. He still lost consciousness frequently, but he refused to die. He promised Cas he'd come home to him. Alive. The "back in one piece" part was a little harder since part of his skull is in the woods somewhere. His head was exploding with pain. He fought to stay conscious but still faded.

back home, August 1942

It had been months. It felt like years. Despite everything, the family never gave up on Dean. Even when people told Sam and John to have a funeral, they both refused. John only talked to Sam about Dean. Every time Cas was around he would look at him like it was his fault Dean went missing. He wanted nothing more than to slap him across the face for how he treated Dean. But he was obviously singing a different tune when he found out Dean was wounded and taken prisoner.

Every night when Cas fell asleep he could see Dean. Lying on the battlefield half dead. Being dragged away. Needless to say, he didn't sleep much. He hardly left the house. Sam would check on him every day. Try to get him to ear by telling him Dean wouldn't want him to act like this. Then he would only eat half of what was in front of him.

By January they still haven't found him. Everyone was about to give up. But not Cas. He refused. He would yell at them and tell them Dean would have never given up. Not ever.

Germany, February 1943

He heard gunfire and sat up. He pushed himself off the bed and crawled to the bars of his cell. He pulled himself up, trying to see what was going on. He could hear the Germans yelling "Get the American! Get the prisoner!" One soldier emerged, yelling at Dean to get back. He sat down and pushed himself backwards to the wall then put his hands up. Like he could run anyway. A gun rang out and the soldier fell. Two British soldiers now stood in front of him. "Who are you?" They pointed their guns at him. "Private First Class Dean Winchester. 101st airborne. United States Army. My dog tags are probably on one of the Germans." One soldier pulled a set of dog tags out of his pocket and looked at them. "Found these on one. Claimed he blew off the back of a prisoners head. Stand up." He looked at them for a moment. "I can't. My legs are shattered. There's a steel plate in the back of my head. Not all my hair has grown back. Feel for yourself." One walked over to him and ran a hand across the back of his head. "There's something there. Let's take him to base. We have a few guys from the 101st. See if the know him."

They helped him out of the vehicle and set him in a wheelchair. "Go get the airborne Americans." A few minutes later he heard a familiar voice. "Holy shit! Winchester!" He looked up to see Adam walking towards him. He crouched to Dean's line of sight. "How the fuck are you alive?" He laughed in disbelief. Dean smiled. "Germans put a plate in my head. Go figure."

They did numerous surgeries on his legs over the next few weeks. Both his legs in splints to help him walk, but he still had to use a wheelchair for a month and walk using crutches until they could get him into physical therapy in the states. He really didn't give a shit because he could finally go home.


	4. Home

London England, 1943

Before they let him go home, they awarded him with the purple heart and promoted to Corporal. He wasn't going to complain about being promoted two ranks. His face had a few scars from the explosion. As well as his arms and torso. On top of his legs, they did a few surgeries on his head to fix the plate. They told him once he got home, a wheelchair would be delivered. They didn't want him walking very much. As he was boarding his plane home, his unit saluted him as Adam wheeled him to the gate where a doctor from the VA was waiting. Dean turned himself around and looked at his unit. "I'll be back." He laughed as he returned the salute.

Back home

Cas was sitting in the living room in silence smoking a cigarette. Sam, Jess, Bobby, and Ellen were sitting in the kitchen. Cas heard the sound of breaks and looked out the window. The same car. Oh God. They came to tell them Dean's dead. But instead of coming to the door, the over went around the other side of the car. He put a pair of walking crutches on top of the car. Someone emerged from the car. "Guys?" He got up and walked to the window. The rest joined him. The two shared a handshake and a salute before the officer got back in the car. The second man turned and Cas stopped breathing. "Oh my God!" He ran to the door and threw it open. "Dean!" He ran down the driveway and tacked Dean to the grass. "Ow! Jesus! Watch it babe." The rest stood there, stunned. "I knew you were alive!" He wrapped his arms around Dean's neck. Dean hugged him tightly, eyes squeezed shut. "I thought..." Cas' voice cracked. He fought back tears. Dean laser his fingers through Cas' hair. "Shh...it's okay. I'm here. I'm alright. I promised you didn't I?" They laid there for a moment. "Cas, you should probably get off me now. Still a little busted up." Cas jumped up then helped Dean up. "Sorry." He said picking up Dean's bags. Dean kissed him. "Don't be." He slowly made his way to the house. Everyone gathered around him, all crying with joy. Dean heard a car pull up and turned around. John walked up the driveway and stopped at the sight of his son. Dean slowly made is way to him. John met him in the middle. Tears streaming down his face, he hugged Dean. "I'm sorry. When they said that you...I thought...and the last thing I said..." Dean hugged him with one arm. "It's okay dad." He said through his tears. He wasn't mad at him anymore. He had told himself if he made it home, he would make things right with him. "It's okay, I forgive you." He felt his dad's body shake as he cried into Dean's shoulder. Dean tightened his arm around him a little. John pulled away first. "Let's get you inside huh?"

Dean lowered himself on to the couch. Everyone sat around him. Cas right next to him. He was to tired to change into regular clothes at the moment. Sam handed him a beer. "Oh thank God. Haven't had a beer in a while." He opened it and took a drink. He leaned back on the couch and closed his eyes. They sat in silence. "I know you guys want to hear how I'm even sitting here and what happened. But I'm not going to tell you. Not yet anyway. I just need time to deal with it." They all nodded. "Nobody's pushing you Dean." Sam said. There was a knock on the door. "That's probably my wheelchair. They want me to avoid walking for awhile." Bobby answered the door. He signed for the chair and rolled it over next to Dean. He handed Cas the crutches and asked him to put them in the closet. He disappeared to the bedroom. Dean looked at Sam. "What happened when you heard?"

"He was a mess the whole time. Hardly talked. None of us really did. But he never gave up hope Dean. Hell we almost did. Thinking there was no way. He cussed us out good for it." Dean nodded. He knew Cas wouldn't have given up until Dean was sent home in a box. He didn't blame them for losing hope. Hell, he did a few times. "Did they discharge you?" John asked. Cas walked back into the room. He sighed. "No. They were going to. But I told them not to."

"Dean...why?" Cas looked like he was on the verge of tears. Dean looked around the room stopping on Cas. "I'll tell you the same thing I told them. I have unfinished business with those bastards. So when I'm good to go, I'm going back. No argument. I'm going." He didn't leave it open for discussion.

That night, Cas went out and got Dean a burger from his favorite diner. He ate it in what felt like twenty seconds but it was really about two minutes. Still to fast for Cas' liking. He was glad when Cas didn't ask questions about what happened. He wanted to tell him but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Since he couldn't stand in the shower on his own, he opted for a bath. He still had to ask Cas for help out of his clothes. He was in the bathroom taking off his shirt when Cas walked in to help. Cas gasped. Dean looked down. He forgot about all the scars. He closed his eyes, clenching his jaw. He heard Cas take a few steps forward. He looked up at him. He knew he looked like a chunk of raw hamburger meat. He thought of a joke to lighten the mood but couldn't think of one. "Did they do that?" He asked quietly, barely a whisper. Dean shook his head. "Most of them are from the grenade." He replied softly. Cas nodded. He started to undo Dean's pants. Dean put his hands on Cas'. Cas looked at him. "They're worse." Cas nodded again. He took a deep breath in preparation for what he was about to see. Dean pushed himself up as Cas pulled his pants down. His eyes filled with tears immediately. There were small chunks of both legs biggest were around quarter size, and even more scars. "Your head and legs took most of the blast." He said. Dean nodded. Cas ran his fingers down Dean's legs. "Feels like they were broken." Dean cleared his throat. "Almost beyond repair. Hell, I'm lucky I still have them."

"Dean...please...tell me what happened."

"No. I can't. I just can't."

"When you're ready?"

"When I'm ready."

After his bath, Cas helped him get into his night clothes. He wheeled himself across the hall to the bedroom. Cas started to help him into bed. "I can do it." Dean looked at him. Cas nodded, kissing his forehead. Dean pushed himself up and on to the bed. He swung his legs over and got under the blanket. Cas walked around to the other side and laid next to him. Dean turned over on his side, facing Cas. They looked at each other. "I'm sorry." Dean said quietly. Cas propped himself up on his elbow. "For what?"

"For putting you through hell."

"It's not your fault. You were a prisoner Dean."

"I wouldn't have been if I did jump on that grenade."

"You saved them."

"I almost broke my promise. I almost did come home to you." Dean propped himself up. He looked into Cas' eyes. "When the grenade went off, everything happened in slow motion. I remember lying there. Adam was yelling at the medic Ryder. I heard Ryder say there was nothing that could be done. That I was going to die. And the only thing I could think about was you. How I would never see you again." He stopped himself, shaking his head. He didn't realize he was crying til Cas wiped the tears from his face. He wrapped his arms around him. "I'm sorry." Cas gently rubbed his back. "It's okay. You're home now. With me."

July 1943

Since he got home, he focused all of his though on his physical therapy. At first he went twice a month. Then three times, until he was going twice a week. He was doing better, but still had to use his crutches or his wheelchair on the bad days. He also started getting blinding migraines due to the plate. The pain was to much for him to keep a straight face in front of Cas.

He was sitting on the couch in the living room. Cas was making lunch in the kitchen. Dean's head started pounding. He leaned forward, digging his nails into the couch. Cas was watching closely. He never knew what to expect. Dean laid on the couch and curled onto a ball, grunting in pain. He rolled off the couch onto the floor. Cas ran to him, moving the coffee table. He started seizing. Cas grabbed his hand. "It's okay. I'm right here." He moved the couch back with his feet. The doctor told Cas if he ever seized to just move everything around him and wait til it passed. He couldn't do anything but watch Dean flail around. He moved Dean to his side so he didn't choke on his tounge. After a moment, it passed. Dean's breath was shallow and rapid. He laid there with his eyes open, not blinking. Cas knew he passed out. When he came to, he slowly looked over at Cas, who was sitting with his arms on his knees. His head tilted back on the coffee table. He looked around noticing everything was moved. He looked back at Cas. "Had a seizure, didn't I?" Cas jumped and looked at him. He moved closer. "Yeah."

"Bad one?"

"You've had worse."

Dean brought himself to his elbows. He touched Cas' cheek gently. Cas moved into his hand and closed his eyes. "I don't know what's worse. The migraines or the night terrors." He said. Dean sat up. He put his head on Cas'. "I'm sorry you have to put up with this." He whispered. Cas opened his eyes. "Why do you want to go back when you almost died? Look at what being over there has done to you already. You have nothing to prove. You've already shown them they couldn't kill you. But you're not invincible Dean." Dean kissed his forehead. "I have to. I have to see this through."

On Independence Day, Cas talked about talking Dean to the fireworks show. Dean smiled. "That would be nice." Dean was finally able to dress himself. They left the house around eight pm. Dean was using his crutches so his legs could get some exercise. Cas brought the wheelchair just in case. They walked the three blocks to Sam's house. The four of them went to the show together, meeting Bobby, Ellen, Jo, and John there. It was the first time Dean had been out of the house since he got home, except for going to physical therapy. About half way to the show, Dean got tired and decided to use the wheelchair. Even though he hated using it.

When they got there everyone had a spot saved. Sitting on a blanket. When people saw Dean, they would shake his hand and thank him for serving. He would smile and thank them even though he didn't want to be thanked. There were three other soldiers that left with him after Pearl Harbor. He was the only one who made it back alive. Guys he grew up with. A few people asked why he wasn't in his uniform. He gave excuses but he didn't want to wear it as a reminder of what happened. He looked at all the kids running around with sparklers and smiled. Remembering when that used to be him and Sam. Once it was dark enough the fireworks show began. He looked down at Cas who was sitting next to him. Smiling as his eyes lit up. He had forgotten he brought his camera. Cas bought him a new one. He grabbed it and took pictures. Cas looked at him and smiled. He looked up at the sky as they were being lit up; Wondering if his unit was celebrating too.

Then he noticed the sound the fireworks made. Like bombs. Every few seconds. He suddenly felt like he was back in Germany. Bombs and grenades exploding around him. He tried to breath. To take deep slow breaths. He closed his eyes and covered his ears. "Dean?" His family looked at him. Cas was on his knees next to him. "Dean? What is it?" He shook his head and pressed his hands tighter over his ears. "Fireworks...bombs...granade. God Cas the grenade!" John scooped him out of his wheelchair. "What are you doing?" Bobby asked. John looked back at him. "He can't be here! The noise! It's making him have a panic attack" They all got up and followed John to his car. He laid Dean down in the back seat. "Just keep your hands over your ears Dean. You'll be home soon." He closed the door. "What do you mean a panic attack?"

"That's the best way to explain it. But right now he thinks he's back in Germany. It happened to me after I came back. The doctors call it Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. He needs to go home. To be away from the noise." They all looked at Dean, trembling in the back seat. "Make it stop! Please!" He yelled. John got in the car and started it. Cas jumped in the passenger seat. John looked at him. "We don't have time for you to sit here. If you expect me to run there while Dean is like this, then you can fuck off." John nodded. He tore out on to the road, doing well over the speed limit.

He parked and they got out. John grabbed Dean. Cas ran to unlock the door. He got him inside. Cas shut the door and followed John down the hallway. They could still hear the fireworks. John laid him down on the bed. "Earplugs. Does he still have his earplugs from working at the shop?" Cas nodded and went to the closet. Pulling out a box. He dug for them. Once he found them he ran to the bed. As soon as he got to Dean, he fought him. "Get away from me! Don't touch me!" Hitting Cas in the face. John grabbed Dean and pinned him down. "Dean. It's okay it's us. Your home son. Cas! The earplugs!" Dean struggled against them but Cas managed to get them in Dean's ear. John let go and Cas pulled Dean to his chest. "Shh. Dean, it's okay. It's okay." He rubbed Dean's back. Dean breathed heavy into Cas' chest. "I think he's starting to calm down." John said. Cas looked at him. "How often did this happen to you?"

"I lost track. But whenever I felt I was about to lose it, I'd leave the house. Told Dean to stay put with Sam. He never understood why. I never told him." Dean lifted his arms and wrapped them around Cas. He took the earplugs out. "Cas..." He looked at him.

"Cas..."

"It's okay. I'm right here."

"I ruined the night."

"No you didn't."

"You should go back."

"I'm staying right here with you."

Dean pulled away and laid down. "Thank you dad."

John nodded. "Get some sleep kid."

September 1943

By mid-September Dean could walk on his own. His doctor was impressed and pleased with his progress and told him he should be able to return to active duty early next year. He had received a few letters from Adam asking how he's doing. He said he finished his tour awhile back but was told to be ready to ship out again at a moments notice. He would ask how Cas is doing and say hi for him, hoping to meet him one day. Cas was listening to the radio in the living room. "You'll never know" by Vera Lynn started playing. Dean stood up and walked into the living room. He pushed the coffee table out of the way then pulled Cas to his feet. He put his hands on Cas' waist. Cas put his arms around him.

"you'll never know just how much I missed you, you'll never know just how much I care..."

Dean pulled Cas closer then started to sing along.

"And if I tried, I still couldn't hide my love for you"

Cas smiled and kissed him. He returned the kiss. "I love you." He whispered. Cas kissed him again. "I love you too." Dean wanted Cas to look back on these moments when things were bad. Praying they would help him through.

March 1944

His family and friends kept protesting about him going back. He tried to ensure to them that he probably wouldn't be on the battlefield much. Not to mention the second tour had become mandatory. He had a few minutes til boarding his flight. He motioned for Cas to follow him, taking him into the bathroom. He checked to make sure the coast was clear. When it was, he dropped his pack and pulled Cas into a kiss. Cas melted into him. He slid his hand down Cas' chest. Cas wrapped his arms around him. Sam poked his head in. "Dean, your flight." Dean held up his index finger, telling Sam to wait a minute. "Dean'" He pulled back and looked at Sam. Cas laughed. Dean smiled at him. He picked up his pack and kissed Cas again. "Dean, seriously."

"Come on Sam, I didn't get a chance to do this last time."

After he landed in London, he met up with his Sargent. "You'll be with the same unit. They didn't think you'd be back so soon. They're causing a commotion about it too." Dean laughed. That didn't surprise him at all. They didn't know what time he was going to be there. He took advantage. A few of them were sitting outside their tent, clenching their rifles. Including Adam. Dean walked up to them. "Excuse me, I'm looking for the 101st." Adam looked up first. He stood up, dropping his rifle. "Holy shit! It's Dean! Guys! Winchester's here!" They all piled out of the tent to greet him. "Just couldn't stay away could you?" Burkley slapped him on the back. Ryder stepped forward. "Dean, listen...about what happened..." Dean half smiled. "Don't worry about it Ryder. I thought I was dead too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who has been reading! Remember to comment!!!


	5. In Love And Death

May 1944

The unit wasn't as rowdy as before. Naturally, they grew up. Once a week he called home. Hearing everyone kept him sane. When Cas would get on, he would look at Adam who would keep everyone out of the tent so they could talk privately. The never talked about the war. "We should go somewhere when you come home." Dean smiled. He knew just the place. "There's a lake that dad would take us to when we were kids. We could rent a cabin for a week. Total privacy. Not a soul for miles. And it has it's own beach."

"That sounds perfect."

"You're perfect."

He laughed. "Dean."

"I'm serious. You are."

"God, I miss you."

"Miss you too, love."

He could practically hear Cas blush. "What picture did you take? You never said." Dean took the picture out of his helmet. "The one of you on Independence Day, looking at the fireworks." The picture didn't hold a candle to the real memory. It couldn't show the brilliance of his blue eyes lit up by the fireworks. Or how he could have fallen for him all over again with one look. Adam walked in. "We have to go Dean." He was the only one who called him by his first name. It was either Winchester or Corporal. Cas sighed. "Out to the battlefield?" He could hear the strain and worry in his voice. "Yeah."

"Stay safe."

"Always."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

They waited until dark. They're mission was to clear a village in east Britain that had been taken by Germans. They sat in the plane getting ready for the drop. Dean had his helmet in his lap, looking at Cas' picture. He ran his fingers through his hair and exhaled. The hatch dropped. Dean looked at the pilots. "What the hell? We still have ten miles!" He stood up and walked to the front of the plane. "What's going on?"

"We have to drop you early. They have guns that could shoot us down before any of you jump."

"How the hell are you just finding this out?"

"Not my fault sir."

"Don't call me that. I'm not an officer."

He turned to his unit. "Alright, looks like we drop here." They stood up. One by one jumping out. Dean brought up the rear. Putting his helmet on and jumping out. One by one shoots opened. There was something oddly calming about gliding through the night sky. It was peaceful. He landed with a familiar thud and got out of his harness. He paused. "Does this feel familiar to anyone else?" Adam looked back at him. It looked familiar from what he could see. He looked ahead to see woods. "This is the place. It happened in there." Adam was next to him now. "We'll get you through this time. Through all of it. Alive and in one piece." He put his hand on Dean's shoulder. Dean half smiled at him. "Yeah." He led the way. Before they went into the woods, he stopped and turned to his unit. "This time, if you hear a grenade hit the ground...take cover. I ain't jumpin on another one." They laughed. He checked his pistol then chambered his rifle. Turning his head he nodded; continuing into the woods. he crouched while walking, unit following suit. He heard voices ahead and held his hand up. He fanned them out, preparing to flank. Once everyone was in position, he signaled them forward. Slowly they moved. He lowered his rifle as he creeped up behind a german soldier. When he was close enough, he covered his mouth then snapped his neck. Adam looked at him from his position. Dean signaled him to keep going. They found a small cluster of soldiers hiding. He assumed they were waiting for his unit. He laid on the ground, rifle at the ready. He held his breath as he took aim. He fired. The bullet hit one soldier in the throat. The rest looked around, stunned. Adam fired, hitting another in the head. One by one, they took the small group out.

Back Home

Five days since he's called. The way he talked, the mission would be simple. He should be back by now. Everyone told Cas that Dean came home last time against all odds. He'll do it again. But the look on Dean's face convinced Cas otherwise. Nobody else had seen. He almost missed it himself. It was a split second. A look that said he didn't know if he would come home alive. Everyone else was so sure. He could hear the strain and worry in Dean's voice the last time they talked. But he refused to admit he was scared this time. Cas knew he was but Dean was so stubborn and carried the weight of the world for no reason.

Germany December, 1944

He had a few close calls. One that landed him in the hospital for a few weeks. Cas wasn't happy when Dean finally called. "Why are you so reckless?!" He yelled into the phone. Dean held his phone away from his ear. Adam was sitting next to him laughing. "I'm not being reckless Cas, I'm doing my job. I'm fine by the way." Cas sighed. "What happened?" He asked. Dean was silent for a moment.

"I dropped my guard for a moment."

"Meaning what exactly."

"Do you even have to ask?"

Cas didn't say anything for a moment. "What were you thinking about?"

"Home."

Adam took that as his cue to exit the room.

"How much longer until you're home?"

"A few months."

Cas sighed. Dean could almost hear tears roll down his cheek. "Stop crying. I'll come home. I swear."

"How did you-?"

"I can tell by the way your breath changes. Don't worry Cas. Nothing can keep me away from you for very long."

March 1945

They had no idea he was coming home today. They thought he'd be home in two more weeks. He brought Adam home with him so he could meet everyone. Dean thought he was more exited about meeting Cas than anyone else. He asked Adam to walk around town to find everyone and report back. "Their at some diner." Dean smiled. His favorite diner. Perfect. He creeped around town so nobody saw him. He walked around back. He saw the waitress named Emily he went to school with. She was smoking a cigarette. "Hey. Emily." She turned.

"Holy crap! Dean!"

"Shhh. Nobody knows I'm here. I've been in stealth mode since I got here."

She laughed. "You surprising everyone then?"

"Yeah, Sneak me though the back will ya?"

They made their way through the kitchen. He looked through the small window in the door. They were sitting in the usual corner booth. Perfect they wouldn't see him coming. "Alright, just like I told you." He said to Emily. She nodded and walked across the diner to his family. Dean followed but stayed a few feet away. Adam stood behind Dean. "Excuse me guys but this guy realy wanted to talk to you." Dean walked over smiling. It took everyone a second to register what was happening. "Oh my God! Dean!" Sam practically knocked him down. "You weren't supposed to be here for two weeks." John said standing up. Sam let go. Dean looked at Cas when John hugged him. He winked. Cas smiled. When John pulled away, Dean motioned for Adam. "Guys, thiss is Adam. He's in my unit. He wouldn't shut up about wanting to meet you guys." John and Sam shook his hand. Cas stood up and looked at him. "You're the one who wanted to stay with Dean the first time?" Dean looked at Cas. Adam nodded. "We all knew he was dying. But I couldn't just leave him. I've known Dean since our training days. He's become a big brother to me. They literally dragged me away from him. When I went back, he was gone. I noticed a trail that looked like someone had been dragged away, and it wasn't from me. Everyone thought it was. They though another unit got Dean and was sendin' him home." Everyone was silent. Cas nodded. "Thank you, for looking after him over there." He offered Adam his hand. Adam shook it. Cas pulled him into a hug. Dean smiled. He could tell Adam felt awkward, but returned the hug. He looked back at Dean. He patted Adam on the shoulder. "Don't let him lie to you, I saved his ass plenty of times." He laughed. Adam smiled and shook his head. Dean looked at Cas, he motioned Cas to follow him. "Well, I have to steal Cas for a bit, you guys get to know each other. And I swear if you tell any embarrassing stories, I'll beat the shit outta you." He leaned in closer. "He knows by the way." They knew what he was talking about: Him and Cas. He walked and lit a cigarette. Cas was right next to him. They had no idea how they have managed to hide their relationship for so long. Dean expected to come home to a mob both times. He knew it was only a matter of time before everyone found out. He walked to the closest ally with Cas on his heels. "Were you surprised?"

"Of course I was. How did you get to come home early?"

"Well, it didn't take much convincing since my unit is held in high regard."

"What does that mean?"

"That we saved a lot of people."

"So you get special treatment?"

"Kinda, yeah." He smiled. He leaned against the wall and looked around. "Hey, remember this place?" He asked wagging his eyebrows. Cas laughed and looked around. He pointed at a building at the end of the ally. "That building there." Dean put his hands on Cas' waist and pulled him closer. "The first time we had sex." Dean finished. Cas smiled. Dean pressed their bodies together. He put his head on Cas' shoulder. "I missed you." Cas whispered. He raised his head to look at him. Green eyes shining in the light of the afternoon sun. He looked into Cas' beautiful blue eyes that he loved and missed so much. "I missed you too. Apart from Adam, you guys kept me going both times. Especially you. Words can never describe how I feel about you, how I'll always feel. It's like half of me has been missing my whole life until the moment I saw you. I had to do something to talk to you. So I made the cigarette excuse. It bugged me at first how much I wanted you, because I've never wanted somebody that much before. That scared me. You caught me totally off guard." He paused only to place a hand on Cas' cheek. "I love you. And I hate that I have to hide my love for you. It's not fair that a man and a woman can show their love for each other and we can't. I'm tired of it. If I can't show other people how much I love you then what the hell did I just fight-" He stopped, taking Cas by the hand and leading him back to the diner. He turned and looked at him. "Dean, what are you-?" Dean cut him off by kissing him. Cas immediately melted into Dean, wrapping his arms around his neck. Dean moved his hands to Cas' hips. The kiss was slow, deep, and passionate. When he stopped, he put Cas's head on his chest. "I love you." Cas looked up at him. Dean could feel everyone within eyesight was staring at them. "Do you know what you just did?" Cas asked.

"Yes. I'm showing everyone that I love you and I'm not ashamed of it. I shouldn't have to hide who I really am just because it's not normal. If I keep hiding, then why did I go to Germany twice, get shot at on a daily basis, put my life on the line, and almost die for? So straight people can have their freedom but we can't? I'm part of the fucking reason Germany hasn't invaded America. And who knows how many American soldiers over there are fags. And honestly I wouldn't know. It's not like faggots wear a sign saying 'I like men' on the battlefield. Last time I checked this country was the land of the free. So I should be free to do this-" He kissed Cas again who struggled a bit at first, but again melted into Dean. Dean pulled back after a moment and looked at everyone staring from inside the diner. "All I want." He finished. John, Sam, and Adam were standing outside. When they came out of the diner, he didn't know. Everyone in the diner looked shocked. A few people on the street looked disgusted. He really didn't care. He knew people would retaliate. and he would be ready when they did.


	6. Take Me To Church

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He woke up to the smell of something burning. He looked at his watch. 3:38 AM. He looked over at Cas who was fast asleep. He got up and opened the bedroom door and was met by smoke. He looked down the hall and saw an bright orange light. "Shit!" He ran over to Cas and woke him up. "Come on get dressed and grab what you can!" Cas sat up "Why?" He asked sleepily. Dean was already throwing clothes in his duffel bag. "The house is on fire." Cas jumped up, panicked. Dean stayed clam. "Open the window and get out." He handed Cas the bag. When Cas was out he followed. He walked around to the front of the house to see two men lighting his car on fire. They painted the word faggot on the side. When they saw Dean they didn't leave. "Got a lot of nerve." One said. By the state of them, they were drunk. Dean shook his head. Sirens could be heard. Dean looked down the street. People started to gather and stare. "I could say the same to you." Dean said to him. The man laughed. Dean knew who the were, in a town this size it's hard not to know everyone. The man was his high school English teacher, Richard Paxton. The second man was none other than Mack. The man who caught Dean and Cas having sex in the abandon warehouse two and a half years ago. Dean knew he was just waiting to talk about what he saw. Since the scene at the diner a few days ago, Mack clearly saw his opportunity. "You call yourselves men? Getting drunk and setting fire to a soldiers house and car? I may be a fag, but I'm still more of a man than both of you. Of all of you." He had seen Sam running down the street. Richard pulled out a knife. "You little Fag! I'll show you!" He walked towards Dean. Dean pushed Cas behind him. "Go to Sam." Cas nodded. Richard made his way to Dean and slashed the knife at at him. "You're a walking sin!" Dean ducked then disarmed him. He threw the knife behind him. Richard punched him in the face. Dean stumbled back. He spit out blood then looked at Richard. "I got the back of my head blown off by a grenade to save my unit. I was awarded a purple heart for it. So how much of a sin am I? Like I said: I'm a better man." Richard punched him in the gut. Dean doubled over and was met by a knee to the face. He fell backwards and hit the ground. Sam ran forward only to be stopped by Mack. Dean stood and spit blood in Richard's face. "You're gonna have to do better than that." He tripped Dean, getting on top of him and punching him in the face. He wrapped his hands around Dean's throat. Dean put his arms in the middle of Richard's, buckling them at the elbows. He raised his hip then flipped over so now Richard was on his back. "I'm sorry was that you doing better? I couldn't tell." He stood up. Not hitting Richard once.

The firefighters were putting out the fire as Dean looked around. It seemed the whole town was there and had seen what just happened. He wiped his mouth and moved away from the blazing car so the firefighters could put it out. He walked over to Cas and Sam. "You okay?" Sam asked. Dean nodded. He looked over at Richard who was being taken away by Mack. "I don't expect anyone to understand or even accept it."

They slept at Sam for the rest of the night. Dean woke up first. Bobby came over to see how they were doing. "Can I borrow your truck for awhile?" Dean asked him. "Why?"

"I wanna take Cas to the lake. I promised him when I was in Germany."

"Yeah, sure. I can have Sam give me a ride home."

"Thanks Bobby."

He didn't tell Cas where they were going, only that it would be a long drive. Cas had fallen asleep since Dean woke him up early. He slept almost the whole way. The night before tired him out. Dean didn't blame him. Now they were homeless. He thought about asking John if he could move into the lake house. Cas woke up as Dean pulled on to the long dirt driveway. "Where are we?" Voice raspy from sleep. Dean looked over at him. "You'll see in a bit." Cas sat up and looked out the window. "It's pretty here." Dean smiled. When he pulled up to the cabin, he parked the truck. "We're here." He got out of the truck and grabbed the bag from the back. Cas got out and looked around. "The lake house." He stated. Dean walked around the truck to him. Setting the bag down he put his hands on Cas' waist. "The lake house. I did promise you." He kissed his forehead. Cas smiled. Dean took his hand. "Come on." Leading him inside. "Everyone will think we ran away. That they drove us out." Cas said. Dean shook his head. "We're not. I just can't deal with that crap right now. I just got back from a war, I'm not about to start another one in my own town." Cas nodded. "I understand." He kissed Cas' temple, letting his lips linger for a moment before moving away. "How about I get us unpacked then we go down to the lake?" He flashed his crooked smile that Cas loved. "Or we could stay in for a bit." He pulled Dean to him. Dean brushed his lips past Cas' and kissed his jaw, then his neck. "It's been way to damn long." He breathed. Cas nodded in agreement. Dean kissed him deeply, walking backwards to the couch. He turned Cas around and pushed him on the couch. He landed with a soft thud. Dean climbed on top of him and continued his kiss. Moving his hand up Cas' shirt to his chest. Dean took of his leather jacket that now smelled like Cas. He must have worn it a lot while Dean was away.

He pulled Cas up by his shirt then pulled it over his head. Revealing Cas' perfect chest and torso. he slowly kissed his way down to Cas' jeans, undoing them with one hand. He pulled them off with a quick jerk, rendering Cas naked. He looked up and smiled. He was already hard. Hell, so was Dean. It really had been too long. He really didn't want to mess around with foreplay. By the look on Cas's face, neither did he. He took off his pants and underwear. He looked around for something to use as lubrication. He got up and went grabbed the bag and dug through it. Finding a bottle of lotion he took from Sam's, he went back to Cas. he put a little on his hand then rubbed it on his dick. Using a little more, he rubbed on Cas' entrance. Cas rolled over and got on his hands and knees. Dean slid his dick over the small hole then pushed the tip in. He let it sit there before pushing the rest of the way inside him. He remembered exactly what Cas liked and how he liked it. He pulled almost all the way out then slammed back in. Cas moaned loudly. Dean smiled as he reached around and grabbed Cas' dick; his hand matching the movement of his hips. He moved slower, making cas moan for more. He was about to come just listening to him, but he always made sure Cas got off first. He moved his hand and hips faster when he felt precome on his hand, knowing Cas was close.

Cas already knew what to say. "Make me come." Dean shuttered at the sound, the need in his voice. He tilted his head back and moaned. He trust into Cas hard and fast, hand still in rhythm. Cas moaned loudly as he came. Dean put his hand over the tip of Cas' dick, making sure none got on the couch. He wiped his hand on his shirt. Grabbing Cas' hips He moved him back and forth, slamming Cas on his dick. Cas continued to moan. "I'm gonna come inside you. Gonna come so hard." He moaned. He slowed himself for a moment, trying to make himself last just a bit longer. Then he couldn't help himself. Hearing Cas moaning sent him over the edge. He tilted his head back again, moaning as he came. He thrust a few more times then pulled out.

After the took a shower and put on some clean clothes, Dean took Cas' hand and they walked slowly down to the lake. It was a nice, warm day. They sat on the dock with their feet in the water in silence. Just taking in the scenery. Dean broke the silence. "Cas, what I did yesterday, while stupid, I had a point to make." Cas looked at him. "What point?"

"That I will always love you. And I'm not afraid to love you the way you deserve to be loved. Because of the war, I'll have bad days but you already know that. I want the good days to matter, to make them the best days ever. To be happy with you right by my side. And for you to not be afraid of the bad, the flashbacks I may have, the nightmares. Because after all of it, I'll still love you. I'll never stop loving you. So before I came home, I got something." He stood up. Cas stood as well. He dug in his pocket then got down on one knee. Cas' eyes widened. "Castiel Novack. Our time together has been the most amazing two and a half years of my life. While I was in Germany this time, I dreamed of this moment. And I promise that if you'll have me, I will spend every waking moment making the rest of our lives amazing." Tears streamed down Cas' face. With tears in his eyes he took Cas' hand and showed him the ring. "Will you do me the amazing honor of marrying me?" Speechless, Cas nodded. Dean smiled as he slid the ring on his finger. He stood and kissed Cas softly. "I love you Cas. Now and forever. I promise." He never broke his promises to Cas.

"Where did you get the ring?"

"From a shop in France. Adam helped me since I don't speak french. Do you like it? Because I will find another-" Cas cut him off with a kiss.

"It's perfect. I love it."

Dean had called John and asked him if he could buy the cabin. John said he could have it, to consider it a wedding present. They still had to go back and get new furniture since the stuff in the cabin was outdated and slightly falling apart. Cas protested but Dean told him other than visiting everyone, it will be the last time they go there. Sam and Jess said they would visit every weekend. Since Sam finally asked Jess to marry him, Dean held of his wedding. They set a date for November 17th. The day they met almost three years ago. Jess thought that was very romantic. "I didn't really peg you for a mushy guy." She told him. Dean rolled his eyes. "Not mushy...just sentimental." Dean was to be Sam's best man and Sam Dean's. Cas as the ring bearer for Sam, Jess as the bridesmaid for Cas. Adam was going to be at both weddings as a groomsmen. Sam and Adam got along great. Adam became a member of the family. Ellen and Jo were to plan both weddings and Bobby and John also be a groomsmen at both. Cas decided that nobody should give him to Dean since he gave himself wholeheartedly already.

**July 1945**

Sam's wedding was amazing. Ellen and Jo did a very good job planning. Dean was excited to see what they had planned for his. Sam kept messing with his tie. Dean kept fixing it. "Relax little brother. This Day is for Jess anyway. You could show up in your underwear and nobody would really care, though they might get a little offended but hey it's your wedding." Sam laughed. "How do you always know what to say to make people feel better?" Cas looked at Dean and smiled. "I know what you mean Sam. Dean rolled his eyes. "Alright"

"No really. Since we were kids, you'd always say something to calm me down."

"Well, I'm a natural leader I guess."

The wedding was amazing. Sam teared up when Jess walked down the isle. Dean put his hand on Sam shoulder and smiled at him. They looked so happy and so in love. He looked over at Cas and imagined it was them standing there, exchanging vows. The look on Cas' face after he said his vows. The reception. God, he couldn't wait to marry him.

At the reception, Dean pulled Sam aside. "Here little brother. Congrats." He handed him an envelope. Sam looked inside. "Five-hundred dollars? Dean-" Dean stopped him. "Don't worry about it. I saved almost all the money I got from the army. Thankfully I had the money in a safe at the shop, so I didn't lose it in the fire." Sam hugged him. "Thank you." Dean smiled and hugged him back. After everyone offered their congratulations, Sam and Jess made their way to the dance floor. Dean watched as Sam led her around. Bobby led Ellen to the floor and John led Jo. Dean walked over to Cas who was sitting at their table. He took his hand and pulled him up. Cas smiled as Dean led him to the dance floor. They had dance a few times before, just never in public. A few people gave them dirty looks but he didn't care. He wanted to share this moment with him. Cas' smile widened as Dean spun him around the dance floor. Sam smiled and nodded once at him as they passed. Soon that would be them. And Dean couldn't imagine anybody else who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

**November 7th 1945**

Dean straightened his tie and smoothed out his tux. Sam stood next to him. "Are you nervous?" Dean smoothed his hair and smiled. "Why should I be? I know I want to spend the rest of my life with Cas." Sam smiled. "You two are perfect for each other." Sam clapped him on the shoulder. Dean gently rubbed the back of his head. The steel plate there and the small scars a constant reminder of his time in Germany. He still got pounding headaches, but they no longer caused him to pass out or have seizures. He and Cas were very thankful for that. He ran a finger along the long scar on the back if his head. It took almost a year for all the hair to grow back. "Ready?" Sam asked. Dean nodded.


	7. Til The Day I Die

The wedding was at the lake. Just Sam, Jess, John, Ellen, Bobby, Jo, and Adam were invited. Dean didn't want anyone else to know, neither did Cas. They just wanted to be left alone. They never hurt anyone. It didn't really bother him. He wanted a small quiet wedding anyways. Unfortunately, they had to pay the minister extra just to marry them. Dean wondered in being Gay would always be considered a sin. He stood there on the alter as everyone made their way out. Dean shifted waiting on baited breath to see Cas. Then, finally Cas made his entrance. John had Dean's video camera and was now recording Dean's reaction. His face lit up as Cas slowly walked to him. Both smiling from ear to ear. He looked so handsome in his white tuxedo. Dean wanted nothing more than to meet him halfway and kiss him. Dean's eyes filled with tears as he continued to smile at the love of his life. As the minister spoke, Dean got lost in Cas. He took Cas' hands in his. "I understand Dean and Castiel have made their own vows. Dean would you like to say yours first?" Dean nodded, he never took his eyes off Cas. "The second I saw you in that diner, my heart knew before my mind did that I wanted to be with you for the rest of my life. When you said you were travailing around the country, I thought I'd never get this chance. I had to do something to keep you here with me. You stood right by my side as a walked through hell twice, even though you were thousands of miles away. If I didn't have you, I may have died that day in the woods of Germany. You kept me going. You still keep me going, continuing to stand by my side through the headaches and the nightmares. You take it all in stride even though I know it scared the hell out of you. I wouldn't be standing here today if it weren't for you. I love you and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you."

He looked at his family for a moment, they all had tears in their eyes. He looked back at Cas who was crying. He smiled and wiped the tears from Cas' face. The minister cleared his throat. "Castiel?" Cas looked at him for a second then nodded. He looked at Dean. "When I heard you speak I had already fallen for you. Then I turned around to see this beautiful man with breathtaking green eyes. I think I was meant to take the wrong train and end up in Lawrence. That I was meant to walk into that diner. I didn't understand how you could be so nice to someone you just met, but I guess both our hearts knew what our minds didn't. When you went to Germany, I thought about you every second of the day. Then That officer told us that you were basically dead..." He trailed off looking away. Dean moved himself into Cas' line of sight and again wiped his tears. Cas half smiled then continued. "A part of me died that day, but I never stopped believing you were alive. I could feel it in my soul. I would rather have you broken than not at all. I don't think I would be able to handle life without you. I love you." Dean's breath caught. He exhaled shakily as they exchanged rings. "I now pronounce you Castiel and Dean Winchester." Dean moved forward and kissed Cas like this was his last night on earth.

The reception was in the gazebo Dean had built. He hung lights up earlier that day. They all laughed and talked. Dean took Cas by the hand and twirled him around the dance floor. Jess cut in and danced with Cas. Ellen danced with Dean. "I think you two will be very happy together." She said. Dean smiled. Dean Looked at Cas who was now talking to Adam when he saw headlights heading in their direction. He walked out of the gazebo and to the front of the house. It wasn't just one car, it was two. The cars stopped and people piled out. Now everyone was standing around Dean as the people got out of the cars. Eight people, four to a car. All from town. Dean knew why they were here. He wasn't surprised to see Mack. "Found the invite on John's desk. Thought we'd pay a visit." Dean looked at the growing concern on Cas' face. Dean looked back to Mack. "Why do you care? We're not hurting anyone. Just leave us alone."

"We can't do that. You boys need help. Since you refuse to get cured yourselves, then we'll have to do it."

"By beating it out of me?"

"No. By beating it out of him." He pointed his baseball bat at Cas.

"Go near him and I'll kill you. You forget who you're fucking with."

Then he was surrounded. Someone grabbed Cas. A few stood in front of his family so they don't jump in. Dean looked over at Cas. His capture held a knife to his throat. He slowly looked back to Mack. Four surrounding him, three making sure his family stayed put, and one had Cas. Dean took off his suit jacket and his dress shirt, tossing them aside. He knew this would end bloody. He put his hands up. "Fine. Don't hurt him. You want me? You got me." Mack took one step forward. "I know you won't go with out a fight." He said pushing the bat into Dean's torso. Dean hit it away. "God damn right I won't." He punched Mack in the nose. The first man stepped forward, swinging his own bat. Dean ducked and swung his leg low, connecting with the back of the man's knee. He flipped back over Dean's leg and hit the ground. Mack swung his bat. Connecting with Dean's ribs. Another man put Dean in a choke hole and Mack continued his assault. He could hear Jo and Ellen screaming. John, Adam, and Sam were trying to break free of the three men. Cas was yelling, begging them to stop. Dean squeezed his eyes shut. preparing himself for what he was about to do, knowing it would hurt...a lot. He elbowed the man in his ribs. When the man loosened his grip Dean hit him full force with his head. Steel plate connecting with his nose, breaking it. Dean grunted in pain, but he couldn't stop. He turned and kicked the man in his temple. The man collapsed to the ground. The fourth man entered the fray and hit Dean with a tire iron in the back of Dean's head, hitting the plate. Dean buckled instantly, bringing him to his knees. Mack hit him across his face with the bat. He collapsed to the ground. "We didn't want to do this Dean. You were a good kid." Dean spat out blood and coughed. He slowly got to his feet. "I went to collage with Hector, your boy. Kinda funny he's the sheriff now. We had a thing. well more like a one night stand. He was drunk though. Funny thing is, until recently I thought he didn't remember it. When he found out I was getting married, he said he'd help me out by patrolling the lake." Dean smiled. He took a wobbly step forward. "Just in case you missed it, I fucked your son. And he loved it." Mack hit him with the bat again. Dean fell to the ground. He walked over the the man holding Cas, taking the knife. He walked back over. Dean looked at Cas and smiled weakly. Cas was crying. his body shaking with sobs. He looked up at Mack. "Go ahead. Kill a soldier. You and your friends will be in prison the rest of your lives." He coughed. Mack drove the knife into Dean's torso. Dean gasp. Cas screamed.

Blue and red flashing lights followed by a gunshot. "That's enough! All eight of you are under arrest." Cops flooded the area taking the eight men. Cas ran over to Dean. Hector walked over. "Dammit. I'm so sorry Dean, my back up took forever." Dean shook his head. Hector moved for the paramedics. Cas stayed put. The kept telling him to move but he refused. The rest of his family gathered around him, all crying. Dean went into shock and started convulsing. They got him to the ambulance and worked quickly to stabilize him.

"It's been hours."

"It's going to be fine Cas. It's Dean. He's invincible."

He paced the waiting room. He only went outside to smoke a cigarette. He wanted to be there when the doctor came in. and after what seemed like days, he did. Everyone had fallen asleep except for him so he woke them up. Cas held his breath. "Dean sustained quite a few horrible injuries. Quite frankly I'm amazed he didn't die instantly from the stab wound. or the hits to the plate in his head." Cas cut him off. "Just please tell us if he's alive." The doctor looked at him. "He is. Alive and stable for the moment. And surprisingly awake. He's been asking for you for two hours now." He gave him Dean's room number. Cas took off running down the hall. He found Dean's room and stopped. He held his breath as he opened the door. Dean was lying there in the dim lit room. He turned his head and smiled. Tears streaked down Cas' face. "You just gonna stand there with your mouth open? Or are you gonna get you ass over here and kiss me?" Cas ran to him and gently put his arms around him. Dean put his hands on Cas' face and kissed him. "I'm sorry." He breathed into Cas lips. Cas looked at him. "For what?"

"For you having to see that."

"They almost killed you Dean."

"They succeeded for about three minutes."

Cas pushed away. "What?"

"I died on the operating table. For three minutes. They brought me back or so they think. What really brought me back was you."

"Dean..."

"Just listen. You are the sole reason I'm alive. I should have died a long time ago in Germany, but I didn't. Because of you. I could hear your voice. See your face. But now it feels like I'm back just to say goodbye."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know what I mean." He moved over and patted the space next to him. Cas looked at him. "Just lay with me for awhile." He smiled Cas' favorite crooked smile. Cas laid down next to him. Dean put an arm under Cas' head. Cas put his arm on Dean's chest. Dean slowly ran his fingers through Cas' hair. "I love you Castiel Winchester." Dean said softly. Cas smiled. "I love you too Dean Winchester." They laid there in silence. Then Dean softly hummed Cas to sleep.

Cas woke to the sound of machines going off. Before he knew it he was being pulled away by staff. "What's going on? What's happening?" He asked panicked. Nobody answered. The pushed him out the door. Sam and the others were standing there. "What's happening?" They all had blank looks on their faces. He turned around. doctors were doing CPR and shocking Dean. Then it hit him like a ton of bricks. He felt like he had been punched in his gut. Dean was dying. He suddenly remembered what Dean had said. _"It feels like I'm back to say goodbye."_ Cas' heart dropped. He felt sick. Not now, they had their whole lives ahead of them. Dean had made wonderful plans for their life. He started to go back in the room. Sam and Adam held him back. "Dean! Please! You can't! You can't leave me! You promised you would always come back to me!"

"Get him out of here!" Sam and Adam dragged Cas out of the hospital.

"What are you doing?! I need to go back up there!"

"Cas! Just calm down. Take a deep breath." Cas looked at Adam. He liked the kid, he really did. But right now he wanted to punch him in the face.

"Let me go."

"Cas, we can't let you go in there. Your yelling isn't going to help."

He was on his fifth cigarette when John walked out. Cas, Sam, and Adam stood up. John looked at them. His face emotionless. Cas dropped his cigarette. John bowed his head. "No!" Cas took off running. Sam yelling behind him. He took the stairs. running up them as fast as his legs would allow. When he made it to Dean's room doctor and nurses were just standing there. The machine was off. He looked at Dean, waiting for him to open his eyes, move, something. _Anything_. He sank to the floor. He heard Sam and Adam behind him. "I'll give you a few minutes. We gave him morphine to keep him comfortable. He won't last much longer. The bleeding in his brain is to much. And we can't drain it without killing him." He heard the doctor say. Sam started crying. Adam was the only one who held it together. He helped Cas up. Cas leaned on him as they walked slowly in the room. He leaned down and put his forehead on Dean's. Tears falling from his eyes and landing on Dean's face. His breathing was deep and raspy, like he couldn't breath even with a machine helping him. It wasn't a tube, it was a clear mask over his nose and mouth. Dean's eyes barely opened. "Cas...don't cry." Cas smiled though his sobs and tears. Dean brought his hand to Cas' face then looked at Sam and Adam. "Look after him will ya?" They both nodded. "And look after yourselves too." He said weakly. The two nodded again. Cas buried his face into Dean shoulder. Dean laced his fingers though his hair. "Looks like I have to break my promise to you Cas." Cas grabbed a fistful of bed sheet and cried harder, unable to speak. When he was finally able to, he looked at Dean and said: "I'll always love you." Dean smiled and closed his eyes.

"I'll always love you too." His eyes never opened again after that.

His death made national television. hours after he was gone. Cas was sitting in the living room, watching. "A soldier in Lawrence Kansas was attacked late last night by a group of men. Corporal Dean Winchester died just a few hours ago from the injuries he sustained. Four of the eight men are being charged with murder, the other four being charged with accessory. The names of the men are not being released at this time. Dean was twenty three years old." Not one new cast said he was killed because he was gay. Cas got up and pushed the TV off the stand, it broke when it hit the floor. He flipped the coffee table over, grabbed a glass ashtray and threw it at the wall. Sam came running from his room upstairs and grabbed Cas. Pinning his arms to his sides. "Cas! Hey, hey...shhhh. It's okay" He sank to the floor crying. Cas had put Dean's ring on a chain. It dangled around his neck. He could hear Sam sniffing back his tears.

They were burring him in his dress uniform. Adam along with his unit showed up. Cas learned that Dean had come out to them during his last tour. He was surprised they didn't think less of him. They all said it was a bit weird but they owed him much more than acceptance for saving them that day in the woods. Adam said he would have died for sure if Dean didn't pull him out of the way. He was about a foot away from the grenade. John, Sam, and Bobby didn't let anyone from town into the funeral. They draped the American flag over his coffin. Cas almost laughed. He served this country and this is the thanks he gets just because he was queer. A twenty-one gun salute and taps was heard as the folded the flag. soldiers saluted as they lowered Dean to his final resting place. To his surprise, they handed Cas the flag. "Please accept this on behalf of the United States Army. And on behalf of us, his unit. Dean was a brave man. We will make sure he's not forgotten." He looked up. It was Adam. Of course it was Adam. "We know Dean would want you to have it." Cas nodded, accepting the flag. Adam saluted Cas. He placed the flag in his lap.

They took turns walking up to the grave and throwing a handful of dirt onto Dean's casket. Cas was last. His new family standing behind him. He bent over and grabbed a handful of dirt, looking at the casket. "I'll always love you Dean Winchester." He threw the dirt and walked away. He couldn't bring himself to look back. He wanted all of it to be a dream. He stopped and looked at the car Dean bought after they got engaged. The car he had driven here. He told himself he was just on his way to see Dean or to pick him up just to get himself to come. Now he had to figure out a way into tricking himself to get back home. Adam offered to drive. Cas gladly accepted.

A few days later he was going through some of Dean's things for the hundredth time. he was folding one of Dean's uniforms when something fell out of one of the pockets. It was an envelope. He picked it up and turned it over. On the front, in Dean's neat handwriting, it said _'Cas'_ and nothing else. He opened it. It was a letter. Cas dropped the uniform and slowly sank to the floor. He must have written it while he was on his second tour. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before reading:

_"My Dearest Castiel,_

_There are so many things I haven't gotten to say to you. And some things I might not get to. I'm writing this just in case. I went to a shop in France yesterday. I don't remember the name of the town, I couldn't pronounce it anyway. I brought Adam with me so he could translate sice he speaks french. He's pretty fluent too. I was impressed.-"_

Cas stopped, smiling through tears at the words on the paper. He could imagine Dean sitting on his bed writing on a hardcover book, smiling as he wrote.

_"The reason I went to France on my short leave was I wanted to buy you something. I wanted to buy you a ring. Because if I make it home, I'm going to marry you Cas. I want it with all of my heart. I want to take you to the lake house, take you down to the water, get down on one knee and ask you to be mine. Forever. And I don't care what people think or say about us because we are people too. It's only fair that I get to marry you. Anyway, in case I can't write any more,_

_I'll always love you_

_Dean"_

There was another piece of paper behind the first. Cas moved the first page behind the second and read:

_"My Dearest Castiel,_

_Tomorrow we are getting married. I don't even know what time it is but I know it's going by slowly. slowly because I can't wait to be married to you. To spend the rest of my life with you, however long that may be. But there is something you need to know. Remember when I told you about going to the VA about my legs and this stupid plate? How I told you everything was fine? I didn't want to lie to you...and I swear it's the only time I have. The plate is starting to cause bleeding in my brain. The doctor said if they drain it, I'll just bleed out and die. He said I only have a few months left. And instead of telling you, I just want to spend the rest of my time with you. I just want to be happy with you. And I know if I tell you, you will spend the rest of the time we have worrying about me and I don't want that. And when I do go, I want you to remember what I said. I want to make every day the best day ever. I want you to look back on those days and smile and even if just for a little wile, forget that I'm gone. But I'll never really be gone. I want you to put this down and look around the room. What do you see?-"_

Cas looked up then looked around the room as Dean asked. He looked at the bed. Dean's favorite blanket. He looked at his nightstand, a picture of them in the old house. He looked at the wall, a picture of Dean in his dress uniform. Finally, he looked at the closet. Dean's favorite shirt was the first thing he had seen. Cas smiled, more tears running down his face. He looked down and continued reading.

_"See? I'm still there with you. Most importantly I'm still in your heart. I don't want you to be sad Cas. I don't want anyone to be sad. I just want all of you to remember me how I was. Not how I died. I know it hurts right now. And every time it does hurt, I want you to read this. Read it as much as you have to, to make the hurt go away. Because I don't want it to hurt. I don't want you to hurt. If you have to take this with you where ever you go, then take it.-"_

Cas paused. He noticed spots on the page that looked like...dry tears. Dean cried while he wrote this. He imagined Dean biting his lip, trying not to cry. He remembered that day when Dean went to the doctor. It was the day before Sam's wedding; And he had written this just few days ago. Meaning he might have only had a few weeks or days left. He made himself finish the letter.

_"I'm so happy I got to live long enough to marry toy Cas. Happy that for as much time as I have, I get to see your face. I love waking up next to you every morning. I really missed that while I was serving. I should probably end this because it's late. Don't want to fall asleep at the alter and miss you walking down to me. I am the luckiest man alive. I love you Castiel Winchester._

_I'll always love you_

_Dean"_

He dropped the envelope. Something fell out. He picked it up and looked at it. It was a picture of them. Kissing on the alter. Cas couldn't stop himself from crying. Dean must have put it in the envelope during the reception. When he said he was going to the bathroom. fifteen minutes before he was attacked. Cas cried holding the letter and the picture to his heart. "I love you too Dean Winchester. I'll always love you."

**So that's it guys. That's the end. Thank you to all who have read this. This chapter was very emotional for me. I even had to stop writing a few times. anyway, love y'all! See you in the epilogue!**


	8. Ending

The first few months were rough. Cas didn't really see or talk to anyone. Sam would come by to check on him and try to get him to eat, only eat a few times a week. Just enough so he wouldn't die of starvation. But what was the point? Dean was gone, he had nothing. He was nothing. He was just going through the motions for the sake of Dean's family.

He got up and went to the kitchen and made himself some eggs and toast. When he turned to go sit at the table, he saw green looking back at him.

He dropped the plate, it shattered and food scattered across the floor.

"D-Dean?"

"Hey Cas." Dean smiled at him.

No. This wasn't possible. It can't be real. Was he still asleep or something?

"But you...you..."

"Died Cas. I'm aware."

"Then how-?"

Dean walked over to him slowly, Cas backed up til he was against the counter. Dean gently grabbed his hands and placed then on his chest. He was solid and warm, even had a heartbeat.

"This...this is a dream isn't it?"

Dean didn't answer. He just looked at Cas.

"Do you remember when we met? Outside the diner?"

Cas smiled. "You said you made up an excuse to go talk to me."

"And I never regretted it. Just like I never regretted joining the army or two tours in Germany. I don't regret a damn thing I did. Not one."

"So you don't regret not telling me you were going to die?" His eyes filled, threatening to spill over. And here he thought he couldn't cry anymore.

"No. I don't. You know why I don't. You know damn good and well if I would have told you, you would have spent the rest of my life taking care of me and acting like it might be my last day on earth."

Cas looked away. He wasn't wrong. He would have done exactly that. All Dean wanted was to enjoy the time he had left. Not being treated like he was dying.

Dean moved his hands to Cas' face, slowly turning his head so he was looking at Dean.

"Cas...baby...you need to let me go. What you're doing, it's going to kill you. I know you won't listen to anyone else. That's why I'm here."

"How do you know what I'm doing?"

Dean sighed and dropped his hands, leaning against the counter. "Because I've been here the whole time. Watching. Waiting for you to move on because I don't want to leave until I know you're okay."

"What do you mean leave?"

"Leave as in move on. Move on as in heaven."

"I thought you didn't believe in God..."

"I didn't, but apparently he believed in me. Tessa, one of the many angels of death, told me that if I go back I can't be back for long or I'll basically be a violent spirit."

"Then why are you still here?"

"I told you why. I can't leave you. Not yet."

"Dean-"

"Not until you move on Cas. Everyone else has started to. Why can't you?"

"Because I loved you Dean!"

Dean folded his arms over his chest. "You can let someone go and still love them Cas."

"Why? Why is this such a big deal to you? You could be in heaven right now Dean!"

"Because you're slowly killing yourself Cas. I'm not just gonna sit on a fluffy cloud and watch you die!"

"Like how I watched you die?"

Dean hung his head for a second then looked back at him. "I promised I'd come back to you, didn't I? I remember when you yelled that at the hospital."

"You heard that?"

Dean nodded.  "I tried Cas, I really did. I just didn't have enough fight left in me I guess. I'm sorry you had to see me go out like that. I'm sorry for all of it, but I don't want to see you die Cas. Please. You have to let me go."

Tears spilled from both their eyes.

"Will I get to see you again?"

"That would defeat the purpose, but I'm sure I'll be in your dreams."

Cas wrapped his arms around him, crying into his shoulder. "I can't. I don't want you to leave me again."

"I know baby, but you have to. You have to do this for me. You need to let go."

"I don't know how."

Dean pet Cas' hair. "Shhh...just close your eyes baby. Just remember that I'll always be in your heart."

Cas held him tighter.

"I'll always love you." Dean whispered, kissing Cas on the head.

Cas looked up at him, his green eyes were just how they always had been. "I'll always love you."

 

*******

"Cas...Cas!"

His eyes shot open and he sat up. Sam was standing over him.

"What?" He slowly got out of bed.

"You hungry? I made you something to eat."

Cas thought for a second. "Starving actually, probably literally too." He smiled.

They walked to the kitchen and sat at the table. Sam slid him a plate of eggs and bacon and toast. "Thank you Sam. I appreciate you looking out for me this whole time. I'm sure Dean does too."

Sam just looked at him.

"What?"

Sam shrugged. "Nothin. Just...that's the first time you've mentioned him since he died...four months ago."

Cas looked at him. Had it really been four months? Felt like longer. He shrugged and started in on his food.

"Not to mention you're actually eating. What's up with you today?"

"What, did you expect me to be sad an miserable forever?"

Sam huffed a laugh. "Yeah, kinda. I mean, yesterday you threw a fit about eating now look, you're already almost finished."

"Mmm...speaking of which, is there more?" He asked though a mouthful of eggs.

"Uh...yeah. I'll get you some more."

"Thanks Sam." He took a drink of coffee.

"Yeah, thanks Sammy." Came a voice behind him. 

Cas turned to see Dean standing in the doorway. He looked at Cas and winked. 

"Take care of yourself Cas. I'll always love you."

Cas smiled. "I'll always love you."

Dean vanished without a trace.

"Cas? You say something?"

Cas looked at Sam. "Uh...yeah. More coffee too please." He held up his cup.

Sam smiled and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, sure. I'm just glad your up and around. And eating and talking."

"Yeah, well, I guess I figured if I did any of this while Dean was alive, he'd slap me silly."

Sam laughed and set the fresh plate of food in front of Cas and refilled his coffee.

"Sam?"

"Yeah Cas?"

"You should go home. You have Jess and the baby to look after. You shouldn't spent your time looking after your brothers widow."

"Nah, it's okay Cas. I want to. Really."

Cas sighed. "I mean it Sam. I'm fine really."

"You sure?"

"Yes. Go home to your wife and son."

 

After Sam left Cas showered and got dressed. He decided to take a little walk around the lake. It was a beautiful autumn day. The leaves were changing from green to red, gold, and yellow. He walked down to the dock and sat on the edge, just looking around. How could he have been so sad when Dean had brought him to such an amazing place to live? He closed his eyes and smiled. Sure he would still have days where he would miss Dean terribly, but Dean was right. He had to let go because the grief was killing him.

He kept his eyes closed, still smiling as a breeze blew on his face.

"Dean...if you're still here, you can go now."

He opened his eyes and stood up, taking one last look around before smiling again.

"I'll always love you Dean." 


End file.
